Love story

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing ...

The words went on and on in his mind. A tune unbidden but not unwelcome.

He had found it in the attic of his father's house. A old shiny circular thing. When held at an angle in the light, it shone with all the colors of the rainbow. It was in a storage capsule. Buried deep among all the odds and ends, the only remanants of his father's now long lost life.

And paper! He had actually found something that had paper around it. Printed paper ! Paper that was almost extinct even in his father's time. But it was torn and ancient. And the printing had long since faded. 'Alanis Mor' was all he could make out.

"They used to call those compact disks, and I bet we still have a relic lying around that can read that for you", the Human-Interface to the nearest Store had said.

And so it was, that he came to own a device, with Sony written on it. It made sound when you placed the shiny round thing in it. He still remembered the first time he had turned it on. It felt funny, having to touch something physically to make it work. A woman's voice, throaty and long since dead, poured out. A soulful melody that seemed to raise his hackles. That first time it had scared him. It spoke, no, it sang of hope and yet had deep sorrow in it.

This song, he would carry to his grave. Turned on now whenever he was feeling low, it haunted him and soothed him at the same time. Reaching something deep inside him, stirring a wailing nostalgia of times bygone.

But he had known it then, the first time he had listened, that it was love at first sound.

The song that inspired this is 'That I would be Good' by Alanis Morissette. Do listen to it, if you can.
Update : this story is also posted at Mount Helicon.

Martin

Something about the howling of a wolf took a man right out of his here and now and left him in a dark forest of the mind, running naked before the pack.

Writing like that can keep you up. Oh yes. The last few hours have been spent in Winterfell, in GRR Martin's world of a Song of Ice and Fire.

ingredients

of nightime,
shrouded in silence,

of the moon,
bright with promises,

of understanding.
an empathy and
shared laughter.

of poems read,
and verses delivered.

of suprise,
and a silent wonder.

Of such things,
are assignations made.

never ending story ?

words tumble forth,
whisking me away,
on your personal jihad.
riding high on your argument,
a silent and willing
conspirator in this tirade.
blind to all else,
but your words,
i partake in this journey,
the end of which
leaves me wanting.

creation

i was meditating.

right, your turf.
your junkyard,
your lab.

your playground,
your kingdom,
your domain.

buiding castles,
tearing down mountains,
racing the plains
of your mind.

you are a god.

Trivia

from Wikipedia on Jorn Barger

"Inverse Law of Usenet Bandwidth": "The more interesting your life becomes, the less you post... and vice versa."

languor

lazing,
mom's wonderful tea,
a book,
mom's wonderful pakoras,
sitting by a window,
watching the rain.

maybe its all worth it. sometimes, just sometimes, i feel that.

" Wake up Mr. Freeman,

... wake up and smell the ashes. "

Sometime in the late nineties, Valve a game developer, previously unknown, made Half Life. That game single handedly upped the standards for an FPS game, immersing the player in a fast paced and cinematic experience. Along the way it collected every game of the year award possible.

As Gordon Freeman I stepped into Black Mesa, threw the switch, and literally, unleashed hell around the lab. Valve had just gained a fan. Armed with just a crowbar and my MIT degree in theoretical physics, I set out to save the day, gleefully unloading my double barrelled shotgun into the bad guys.

Early this year, Valve came out with the sequel to that masterpiece, and ladies and gentlemen, Half Life 2, hands down is simply the best FPS game I have played to date. Compared to this, this year's other much hyped release Doom 3 doesnt even come close to cutting it.

As Freeman, you don the HEV again, this time to save Earth from an already established alien stronghold called the Combine.

The game starts and you step into City 17.

I exit a bulding, and step on to a raised platform of some sort, and look beyond. What I see knocks me breathless for a moment. The first impression is of vastness, of immmersion into a real world, a vast city that is a virtual rendition of George Orwell's 1984. There are giant screens with a bearded big brother talking all the time. People in somber dull clothes, walk around aimlessly, the sky is a morose gray, a few birds fly across, carboard boxes and old fliers fly across my path. The buildings are old and dilapitated, some serving as makeshift offices for the Combine. The Combine seem to be everywhere. I look into the horizon , and there, eating up all of the sky, far ahead of me, is a massive tower reaching beyond eyesight up and away into the clouds. That is the Combine citadel, which you will crawl, bleed, shoot and kill your way through to, at the ending levels of the game.

A cloud parts and some sunshine leaps onto me, I look up, dazzled for a moment. I am in love. I exhaust some adjectives exclaiming how beautiful all of this is and move on, wordless. This is the first time, in a game, where I actually feel I am in a landscape, a city, a world.

Hefting my crowbar, I move on with a "I am Freeman baby, bring 'em on !"

The other thing in this game is the physics. It bloody rocks. Valve has made use of the Havok physics engine, with the result that almost everything in the game's environment behaves as it should in the real world. Shoot a wall, and the bullet richochets off the wall, leaving behind crumbling dusty holes. Lift a barrel, a box, anything and toss it around and watch it bounce, tip, roll, slide just as it would in the real world. And this physics is not just eye candy, its an important aspect of the game. Without the physics you wont get across any level in the game. Running around a level, with guns blazing, just gets you killed. Painfully at that. Instead, watch how the enemy moves, switch weapons, toss grenades, lift fridges, cars and hurl it at the enemy.

Everything from the background score (of which there is very little, and what is there is good, kicking in only in the more climatic moments ) to the faces of the other characters in the game is just splendidly done, with amazing attention to detail.
You meet Alyx, she is the daughter of former Black Mesa colleague. She helps you along at various points in the game. And she is a babe. Her face and eyes, the flawlessly done lyp-synching all come alive when she turns around to talk to you. I found myself stalling at times, just to gawk some more at her.

I round a corner and come face to face with a Combine, he is as suprised as I am, and I can actually see the hesitancy as he realizes, that is this is the Freeman, and radioes for backup, while simlutaneously lifting his gun to shoot. Not so fast you dont! I ( thankfully ) have my shotgun in hand, whip it up and squeeze a double blow into his face. I watch his head explode and he is flung back, with all of the game's rag doll physics kicking in.

There is silence in the air, broken only by a birds angry chirp as it flies away, disturbed by the gunshot. And I, oh sweet lord, can taste the adrenaline, my pulse thudding at the side of my head. A much repeated 'this game rocks' escapes my mouth, as I reload and move on.

I see Alyx approach, I need to lech ... er .. save the world people, so excuse me.

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